Some Days You’re the Pigeon. Some Days You’re the Statue. Part 2: More Droppings
Comic Confessions of A College President
by
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SOME DAYS YOU’RE THE PIGEON. SOME DAYS YOU’RE THE STATUE.
PART 2: MORE DROPPINGS
CHAPTER 1: COMMENCEMENT CAPERS
As a college president, I have presided over 100 graduations at six colleges and awarded more than 10,000 diplomas and degrees.
These are some of the strangest encounters that I have experienced during the past 40 years.
Something just didn’t look right.
A young lady was walking across the stage to receive her diploma from me as President of Brooks Institute (Santa Barbara, CA). Under the bright stage lights of the beautiful and historic Arlington Theatre, I could see that something was sticking out from around her neck!
Even worse, it was alive and moving!
When this student got within 3 feet of me, the Registrar, who was handing me diplomas, whispered, “Oh my god! She has a snake!”
By now the thousand people in the audience were also aware that this graduate had a six foot multi-colored snake wrapped around her neck.
The Commencement Marshalls hurried over to the end of the stage to stop her – but of course this would be after she received her diploma from me.
Very carefully – and at arm’s length – I handed her with her diploma. The snake’s head followed my every calculated move. The young lady then whipped out her cell phone, wrapped her arms around me, and took a “selfie” of the three of us. The snake actually appeared to pose for the photograph!
Some in the audience cheered. Most were too stunned to react. The Marshalls escorted her off the stage and out of the building. I quickly tried to regain my composure since I still had another 50 graduates lined up to walk across the stage.
During the reception that followed the graduation ceremony, I learned that this student had somehow hid the snake inside her graduation gown. She then pulled out the snake as she was climbing the steps to the stage to receive her diploma and quickly wrapped the snake around her neck. She told the Marshalls that she wanted her “very best friend” to share this special moment with her when she graduated from Brooks.
At the time of this graduation ceremony, there was a popular movie playing called Snake on a Plane.
Inevitably, all around campus the next week, this incident was referred to as Snake on a Stage!
*****
As President of Adirondack Community College (Queensbury, NY), I had a young lady walk across the stage in her graduation cap, gown, and high heels – and nothing else!
*****
A graduate of DeVry Institute of Technology (New York City, NY) decided to cartwheel across the stage to receive his bachelor’s degree diploma. Unfortunately, he underestimated the amount of room he needed to complete the gymnastic move or the fact that he was wearing a long graduation gown.
He crashed into the table holding all of the diplomas and student awards – sending them flying helter-skelter onto the stage floor. He also apparently sprained his leg as he had to be helped off the stage back to his seat!
“Just you wait,” my administrative vice president whispered to me, “he’ll probably sue us for his injury.”
“No doubt,” I responded. “I can see the suit now for negligence: our stage was not long enough for him to complete his cartwheel.”
“Or the bright lights blinded him and prevented him from sticking his landing!” another chimed in.
“Or the table was too close to the front of the stage,” yet another person laughed.
She pointed to all of the video cameras with red dots pointed at the stage, “Well, at least we have it on video.”
“It’s probably already on YouTube by now,” I joked.
A half hour after the ceremony, we were all watching the video on YouTube in my office…
*****
One president I worked for gave every prospective graduation speaker the same advice:
“Think of yourself as the body at an Irish wake. They need you in order to have the party, but no one expects you to say very much.”
*****
Another president asked all graduation speakers to use the four “B’s”:
Be sincere
Be inspirational
Be brief
Be seated.
****
Most people know Leonard Nemoy as an accomplished actor and director. Always to be associated with Star Trek and “Mr. Spock”, I knew he was also an accomplished professional photographer.
When I contacted him via his photography website to invite him to speak at a Brooks Institute graduation, imagine my surprise when he actually called me.
“Dr. Andersen, I would love to accept your invitation. I live in LA so I will drive up that Sunday to Santa Barbara in time for the 9:00 a.m. ceremony. Brooks is such a prestigious photography school that this will be an honor to address your graduates.”
His 20-minute speech and presentation of his photography were fantastic. To everyone’s surprise, he was really funny and told some great stories of his career in the entertainment industry. His images – displayed on a theatre-size screen no less - were powerful, provocative, and unique.
During the ceremony, I presented Mr. Nemoy with an honorary Masters of Fine Arts degree in photography from Brooks Institute. I could see he was deeply moved as he clearly loved the craft of photography in addition to starring in and directing TV shows and movies.
He also graciously allowed us to take many photos of him both for personal purposes and to use on behalf of our college. That Sunday morning was a truly memorable occasion for Brooks Institute and the lucky graduates – as well as their family and friends.
And since his appearance was well publicized by the local media, we were fortunate that no “Trekkies” came to see him dressed up in Star Trek outfits! Even better: no one came up to him, held up their right hand with their fingers pressed together, and said, “Live long and prosper!”
*****
When I served as President of Adirondack Community College (Queensbury, NY), one of my close colleagues, who was serving as President of Hudson Valley Community College, shared with me his most bizarre graduation experience.
His college was holding its spring graduation outdoors on their large athletic field on a Saturday morning. Over 5,000 people were in attendance. An elevated stage was situated at one end of the football field. Directly in front of the stage on the grass playing field were four large potted plants for decoration.
Near the end of the commencement speaker’s remarks, a large dog appeared out of nowhere and started to walk in front of the stage. The dog then stopped and stared up at the speaker.
By now, everyone was aware of the dog’s presence – including the speaker.
He paused from his prepared remarks, looked down at the dog and asked, “So buddy, how’s my speech going so far?” The dog then proceeded to walk over to the nearest potted plant and lift his leg. The crowd went wild. The speaker also broke out into spontaneous laughter.
After everyone had quieted down again and the dog meandered on his way, the speaker said,
“There’s no way I can top that for a close! Thank you and congratulations graduates.”
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About the Book
“Twenty years ago, The Humor Project published Roger’s first book, Some Days You’re The Pigeon. Some Days You’re the Statue. By sharing his own true stories, Roger invites us in turn to be able to laugh at ourselves—and to learn something about ourselves as “humor beings” along the way. He has a wonderful gift in helping us see the humor in the little things in life. My hope is that this book will also inspire you to look for the humor in your own (sometimes serious) reality. Roger’s stories suggest that we can move from a grim and bear it mentality to a grin and share it orientation.”
—Dr. Joel Goodman; director of The Humor Project, Inc.
Are you someone who…
• Has ever been hit by a pigeon (literally or figuratively)?
• Feels like the statue today?
• Takes your job seriously but would like to take yourself lightly?
• Likes to laugh?
• Ever says, “Someday, we’ll laugh about this!”
If you answered, “Yes,” to any of the above, then this book is for you!
More Droppings is the much anticipated sequel to the 1994 jest-selling Some Days You’re The Pigeon. Some Days You’re the Statue.
About the Author
Dr. Roger C. Andersen has served as president of six colleges in the past forty years. He holds a doctorate in higher education administration and a master’s and bachelor degree in mathematics. He lives with his wife, Mary, and their miniature Austrian Shepherd, Austin, in Roseville, California.