F-Words
Reframing words through a different lens.
by
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Such a simple word, yet such a complex word. The quick thoughts in my head are about what we call immediate family. Those who we are connected to genetically. My parents, grandparents, siblings, kids, cousins, grandkids, etc. These are the people who share skin tones, eye color, straight or curly hair, varicose veins, baldness, arthritis, cancer tendencies. These are those people! (Suddenly the word “immediate” seems like it should be removed from the earlier sentence in this paragraph.) I feel pretty darned lucky in the category. Great parents who loved each other forever and brothers who I get along with most of the time. And, now for many years, sisters-in-law, nieces, nephews, and oh yes, my own and the one I married into. This is where it gets complicated. We don’t choose where we are born, or what that life is. It just happens. However, at the next stage, we do make choices. And then, sometimes we have children again, a little bit of a choice but often very random. We don’t pick kids off a shelf like candy at Halloween. (It might feel like it as the years go by, but seldom does that happen.) Children. Ah children. They are born into our lives and we often as parents have great plans for them. We create and envision who they will become and how their lives might look. And then, they don’t. And then, they aren’t. And then, life leads them on paths we could never envision. They don’t respond to things the way we would want them to. They make choices that make us cringe. They do things that make us proud. And they do things that we could never even have imagined. Those choices and decisions lead them on a path that can make parents - okay, can make this mom - scared, sad, worried, angry, and hurt. Mostly though, our children allow us to teach and guide and always have hope and love for those who are genetically part of us, even in the midst of all of the strife. Children are a gift and a challenge. Some families are made up of those adopted from around the world; or those that a second marriage has allowed us to join with in our world. Yes, I could go on and on here and I am sure that you, the reader, have your own understanding of how this exists in your personal life. I know that not everyone has children. Not everyone has parents and a childhood they enjoyed. Not everyone has cousins. Family takes on such different forms. For many, they have a furry family who they hold close to their hearts and who they care for throughout their lives. (Oh, and vice versa, we all know those furry friends also take care of us!) Best of all, we have the chosen family. We have the ability to make friends who become family. I have a church family. I have a book club family. I have Up with People alumni who are like family. I have sisters in these groups, none of whom are biological, but who know my deepest darkest secrets, all the joy and the grief. I have a Real Estate family. I have a community of French speakers who I call family. I have my ex-husband’s family, many who remain close to me. We have the opportunity throughout life to meet, learn, grow, share, and love those who may have been worlds apart and now are as close as those parents and siblings and cousins who share our genetics. I am so grateful for my family, including all the mess and the grace extended! How will you approach your family today? Who will you call to tell them you love them? What fences will you work to mend? Who will you choose to be family with?
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About the Book
A zoom call. With Family. The joy and heartache that came with faces on a computer screen when you couldn’t be together in real life. And then hanging up, rolling my eyes, and sighing… ahhh FAMILY. And so, it began. The writing of short reflections about F-words that are in our world. So many words used in so many ways. Across generations the meanings change. Across the miles, the meanings change. Idosyncrasies in the English language and words in other languages that many have never heard. Each word comes with a story, my thoughts about what images and memories are conjured up just by reading or hearing a word. I have learned so much by sharing my thoughts with the G-xers and millennials in my office! We surely see and hear things differently as the years go by! Family, Fun, First, Failure, From, Farmer, Fire, Formidable, Farewell… words that bring emotion into our conversation at a serious level, a funny level, or a mix of both. I hope you’ll enjoy venturing along with me as you learn a bit about my life. And I hope you’ll also take pen or pencil to paper as you think through what these words mean to you.
About the Author
Donna is a mother, daughter & sister. She’s a leader, an artist, a singer, a mentor, a hopeful polyglot and a traveler. She has the unique ability to deeply listen and to sense what others need. Her warm heart wants the world to be fair and safe for all. Donna believes laughter and tears go hand in hand. And, it is when we share our stories that people connect. Truth begets truth. Her words often lead to honest discussion not only about what makes life spectacular, but also what makes it challenging for all. Donna believes every human has a story and if we are open to sharing those stories, we will create a world that is not based upon fear and judgement but rather upon love. It’s in this understanding and connection that we really learn to live.